267 Days Until THE BEACH 2011 [Sugar-free Mayonnaise]

Each year my in-laws take us to fantastic, beautiful, glitzy Redneck Hawaii, which you simpletons may know as Galveston, Texas.  We don’t do much other than sleep in, read, and eat Skinny Cow.  One night was rib night, so we got up enough energy to think about making spicy coleslaw. It’s a hard life at the beach.  Off to Wal-Mart we go…. no, off to Dippin’ Dots first… then to Wal-Mart. We have priorities, you know.

Side note on a conversation in the cabbage aisle:

Old creepy man in a motorized grocery basket: “Hey, what do you do with that?”

B: “Um, make coleslaw”

Old man: “oh, really?”

(group ensues small talk about cabbage, followed by a riddle about sick chickens)

OCMIMGB to me, with my hair down: “You should wear your hair up, don’t hide your eyes, you shouldn’t have all that hair in your eyes”

Me: Um, well my husband likes it when I wear my hair down. So…

OCMIMGB (interrupting, points to B, who has her hair in a ponytail): “See, she wears her hair up…. mumble, mumble…  it looks like a shaggy dog.”

Me and B (quickly choosing appropriate cabbage): “Ok, well, it was nice talking to you” (girls exit cabbage aisle)

OCMIMGB (calling behind us): “DON’T WEAR YOUR HAIR DOWN!”


It is still unclear which one of looks like a shaggy dog.

Anyway, on to the coleslaw!  We needed sugar-free mayonnaise as the in-laws are on strict no-sugar diets, and we promised them spicy coleslaw.  Much disappointment ensued when all 20 mayo varieties listed sugar as an ingredient. We almost cried in the condiment aisle, but then we remembered that some day we are going to live out in the country where people make things for themselves, so we should probably get over needing to buy everything in a bottle.  We picked up the ingredients for homemade mayo (and some Skinny Cow to congratulate ourselves on thinking outside the bottle) and headed home.

Alton Brown’s Food Network Mayonnaise Recipe (minus the sugar, plus a little agave nectar)

Tip: DO NOT double the recipe.  Your will think your mayo is absolutely perfect, and then, before your eyes, it will turn into a soupy soup soup.  Then you will have to take your mom’s T-Bird to the minimart down the street and get another bottle of oil and a McKettricks of Texas romance novel.

Right, so we doubled the recipe and messed up everything, but on Round 2 we followed the recipe  exactly and our mayo came out great! Next time we may go a little lighter on the salt.  In the coleslaw it was fine, but on a sandwich it may be a little strong.

And the coleslaw was FANTASTIC, SPICY, and FLAVORFUL! (B or KMacB — blog about the recipe. The world needs it!).


About REL

Austin, Texas
This entry was posted in In the Kitchen, Travel and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to 267 Days Until THE BEACH 2011 [Sugar-free Mayonnaise]

  1. Connie laine says:

    A comedian in the family ! This was so entertaining! Thank you for all the special effort for us , dear daughter-in-law! We love you!!

  2. KMacB says:

    Hah! I love that y’all did that. Actually I blogged it a almost two years ago: http://denachofood.com/?p=63

    Although a lot has changed since I wrote that blog. Namely, cabbage appears in my house very often and we no longer wish for it to disappear. And ever since a certain non-cabbage eating Kansan and a certain jalapeno loving in-law of yours started asking for it regularly, it seems like the cabbage has gotten a lot hotter, so if you’re not afraid, feel free to go crazy with the jalapenos and hot sauce if you’re not feeding weenies.

    And on a side note, this was hilarious. Very Pioneer Woman-eque. I think you’re going to do just fine in the country. But I will miss you both, so don’t forget to invite me over to stay in your lodge. 🙂

  3. B says:

    Dear R,

    I ❤ your blog posts.



  4. Kristin says:

    Actually I did blog it, a looooong time ago 🙂 http://denachofood.com/?p=63

    Although, a lot of things have changed since then. First off, cabbage shows up in our house pretty often now—not just on new years—and we don’t have to wish for it to disappear (it just does). Second, ever since a certain cabbage-hating Kansan and a certain jalapeno eating in-law of yours started requesting my spicy coleslaw on a regular basis, it’s gotten a lot hotter than the original, so if you’re not cooking for any weenies, feel free to go crazy with the peppers and hot sauce.

    Also, I have quit adding radishes in favor of more carrots. I now use FOUR, count ’em FOUR carrots and NOOOOO radishes. Haha.

    By the way, that post was hilarious. Very Pioneer Woman-esque. I think the two of you will do alright in the country, but I will miss you … so don’t forget to invite me over to stay in your lodge.

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